Harry Vanderspeigle in Resident Alien might look like a human, but he can’t always hide his awkward alien nature, resulting in some truly off-the-wall, hilarious moments. In this underrated Alan Tudyk show, an alien crash-lands on Earth and takes the form of a human doctor in Patience, Colorado. As he attempts to fulfill his mission, Harry soon starts to learn the good that the human race has to offer.
Thanks to the character’s warped perspective and general distaste for humans, Harry has a plethora of iconic quotes. Some are insults in the form of witty one-liners, while others are observations on human behavior. Resident Alien is a hilarious show, and Harry Vanderspeigle’s quotes are a huge highlight of the series.
11
“Humans Do Stupid Things All The Time. It Is Like Their National Sport.”
Season 3, Episode 2: “The Upper Hand”
Resident Alien season 3 has Harry allying with the secret government agency to stop another alien race, the Greys, from destroying the Earth. When a handsome stranger named Joseph comes to Patience, Harry soon learns that he is one of the Grey half-human, half-alien hybrids. The two face off against each other until Harry and his friends outsmart Joseph, and he is forced to leave town.
Unfortunately, Harry is unable to get any information from Joseph about the Greys’ plans for Earth. His failure to extract any inside info from Joseph has Harry feeling depressed, making him believe that he is becoming too human and therefore less intelligent. In a scene at the end of “The Upper Hand,” Harry sits in his office contemplating his failure, and says in voiceover:
“When I came to Earth, I was unique. I was superior. But living as a human is making me weaker. […] Humans do stupid things all the time. It is like their national sport.”
As a human, I wish I could say that I was offended by Harry’s words. But let’s face it: he’s not entirely wrong.
10
“Human Infants Are The Only Mammal Whose Main Attribute Is Helpless Flopping.”
Season 2, Episode 8: “Alien Dinner Party”
In “Alien Dinner Party,” Harry arrives home after a trip to New York to find that Mayor Ben Hawthorne has arranged a surprise birthday party for him. Unfortunately, the timing couldn’t be worse, as Harry has acquired an alien egg that is on the verge of hatching. Harry hides the egg in the cellar, but later returns to find the empty egg and the alien offspring missing.
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As he frantically searches for the alien, Harry’s inner monologue explains how alien babies are much more dangerous than human babies, noting: “Human infants are the only mammal whose main attribute is helpless flopping.” Once again, Harry observes a hilarious universal truth about humans from his very unique perspective.
9
“A Birthday Party Is Just A Participation Trophy.”
Season 2, Episode 8: “Alien Dinner Party”
In another moment from “Alien Dinner Party,” Harry once again throws out a zinger when he observes what he sees as foolish human behavior. Shortly after arriving home and being surprised with a birthday party, Harry tries to kick the group out of the house, but changes his mind when he realizes that pie may be involved.
Of course, it isn’t actually Harry the alien’s birthday, but the birthday of the human Harry Vanderspeigle. As he muses on the curiosity that is birthday celebrations, Harry’s inner monologue observes: “I do not understand why humans celebrate their births. Everyone who is alive has been born. It is not special. A birthday party is just a participation trophy.” I have to admit, it’s a valid point that most of us have probably never considered.
8
“E.T. Was An Idiot. Obviously Sexy. Very Attractive… But So Dumb.”
Season 2, Episode 3: “Girls Night”
In Resident Alien season 2, Harry reveals to Asta that his initial reason for coming to Earth was to destroy all of the humans. Horrified by the news, Asta demands that Harry get in contact with his home planet and stop them from killing everyone. To do so, Harry starts to build a radio using the leftover parts of his spaceship.
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In the episode “Girls Night,” Harry brings Asta up to speed about his progress on the radio. He explains that he is having a difficult time finding the alien technology he needs, and Asta insists that he “get creative,” bringing up the character of E.T. as an example. In response, Harry says, “E.T. was an idiot. Obviously sexy. Very attractive… but so dumb.” This would be the start of a hilarious running gag that continues throughout the series, and Asta’s surprise at Harry’s attraction to the fictional alien is shared by humans everywhere.
7
“I’ll Say One Thing About Whiskey: It’s Allowing Me To Make Smart, Rational Decisions.”
Season 1, Episode 1: “Pilot”
In the pilot episode of Resident Alien, Harry attempts to acclimate to his new human form while blending in with the local population. Unfortunately, he runs into a huge problem when Max Hawthorne, the mayor’s 9-year-old son, can see through his disguise. Even though none of the adults believe that Harry is an alien, Harry worries that Max might blow his cover.
During his first day as the new town doctor, Asta takes Harry to the local bar, where he drinks whiskey for the first time. After imbibing quite a few shots, an inebriated Harry gets the idea to go to Max’s house and kill him. Inwardly priding himself on his fool-proof plan, Harry’s inner monologue says, “I’ll say one thing about whiskey: it’s allowing me to make smart, rational decisions.” Thankfully, Harry doesn’t go through with his plan, but I’m sure many people can relate to Harry at this moment.
6
“If These Humans Ever Saw Me Flying My Spaceship, I’d Have Women Beating Me Off With A Stick.”
Season 1, Episode 6: “Sexy Beast”
In season 1 of Resident Alien, Harry receives a surprise visit from human Harry’s estranged wife, Isabelle. While at first he tries to resist her charms, Harry eventually gives in to his attraction to Isabelle and they begin a sexual relationship. However, he also knows that it’s only a matter of time before Isabelle learns his secret, so he begins dosing her so that he can fix his spaceship in peace.
In this scene from “Sexy Beast,” Harry is hiding out in his cellar and working on his spaceship. In a voiceover, he narrates that he only has one more missing piece to find before it is fixed. He then muses that humans seem to have an affinity for men who “work on engines,” and notes, “Sexy beast. That’s me. If these humans ever saw me flying my spaceship, I’d have women beating me off with a stick.” I don’t think a detailed explanation of why this line is so funny is necessary here.
5
“Allah Knows? How Many People Have You Told?”
Season 1, Episode 9: “Welcome Aliens”
Nine-year-old Max Hawthorne is the only person in Patience, Colorado, who sees Harry for what he really is, thanks to a unique genetic mutation that allows him to see through Harry’s human disguise. Since Harry can’t kill Max (not for lack of trying), the two reach an impasse, and Max agrees to keep his secret. He does, however, spill the beans to his best friend, Sahar.
In one scene in “Welcome Aliens,” Max goes to Harry’s house to check on him after Harry and Asta were trapped up on the mountain. Harry reveals that he was forced to tell Asta that he is an alien, and Max berates him for it. Harry is quick to defend himself, pointing out that Max also told Sahar. Yet Max insists that Sahar can be trusted, as she “swore to Allah” that she would keep the secret. Not being familiar with human religions, Harry frustratedly replies, “Allah knows? How many people have you told?”
4
“You Shouldn’t Ignore Ninjas.”
Season 1, Episode 5: “Love Language”
As his closest human friend and confidante, Harry feels a certain protectiveness for Asta Twelvetrees. So when Asta asks her abusive ex, Jimmy, to have lunch with her at Joe’s Diner, Harry stays close by to make sure she is safe. Harry isn’t subtle about his dislike for Jimmy, as he follows them both to the diner and sits in the booth next to them. He then turns around in his seat and blatantly stares at Jimmy, causing the latter to feel extremely uncomfortable.
Feeling threatened, Jimmy asks Asta if Harry is her new boyfriend, which both of them quickly deny. He then sarcastically asks if Harry is Asta’s bodyguard, and Harry replies by saying, “I prefer ‘ninja.’” Asta instructs Jimmy to ignore Harry, and Harry adds, “You shouldn’t ignore ninjas.” Not only is it a hilarious line, but generally sage advice.
3
“Rigor Mortis. My Penis Is Dying!”
Season 1, Episode 4: “Birds Of A Feather”
One of the funniest moments in Resident Alien comes from the episode “Birds of a Feather,” when Harry experiences his first kiss as a human. Looking for moral support, Harry asks D’Arcy to join him for dinner with the Hawthorne family. Being attracted to Harry, D’Arcy decides to call it a date, which Harry just sort of chooses to go along with. After dinner, Harry gives D’Arcy a ride home, and she asks him for a kiss.
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What results is a hilariously awkward moment as Harry licks D’Arcy’s face, and she reacts glibly by saying that it isn’t the “worst” kiss she’s ever had. After she gets out of the car, Harry notes that his human body seems to be reacting strangely to the kiss. To himself, he says aloud: “Rigor mortis. My penis is dying!” This misunderstanding of human anatomy isn’t the only one Harry makes throughout the show, but it may just be the funniest.
2
“I Just Felt My Rear Iris Pucker And My Testicles Tighten. My Taint Remains Unchanged.”
Season 1, Episode 3: “Secrets”
One of Harry’s most memorable quotes in Resident Alien is from season 1, episode 3, “Secrets.” While Harry tries to blend in with the people of Patience, he must also search the mountain where his spaceship crashed and find all of the missing parts before somebody else does.
“I’m not alone up here. This is bad. I just felt my rear iris pucker and my testicles tighten. My taint remains unchanged.”
During one trip up the mountain, Harry is unaware that D’Arcy and her co-worker, John, are purposely causing an avalanche to clear snow off the peak. As the avalanche rushes toward him, Harry jumps out of the way just in time to avoid it. Unfortunately, the snowfall completely covers up the work he did to dig up the pieces of his spaceship. He then sees a helicopter flying overhead and realizes there are others on the mountain. This realization causes Harry to panic, and we hear his inner monologue:
